| NEWS BREAK--PREHISTORIC HIGH MAN SLAPS HIS HANDS ON KEYBOARD!! |
[March 23rd, 2007][2:00am] |
is there a reason that similar substances will produce similar effects, even in degree on the brain? thc for example. how many people have accounted for paranoia, drastically increased sensory perception? It makes me wonder if some people assume that quantities have a perceptually recognizeable degree in the scientific world.
An example situation: a drug is being tested that could cure aids, but not to alert the world to an imminent solution, the people in the know were instructed (with great rewards) to not say anything. in the testing period of the drug, paranoia is reported by everyone at different levels. people will probably assume unconsciously, since paranoia is so visceral, that their general experience with paranoia is a good definition of "normal" paranoia. then when they rate the degree, it's completely based on their individual frames of reference. is it so strange to wonder why scientists assume that people's perceptions are an accurate representation as an average, when it's clear that in the case of an overarching substance, no one is basing it on a control value? couldn't a lot of people have a physical abnormality that causes them to generally experience paranoia to a greatly higher degree and offset an average rating drastically? in that case, the abnormality (being an abnormality) would probably exist in much less people than not. say 5 out of 100 people said they experienced paranoia, right? they have a rating system from 1 to 10. 95 people say 1 or 2, so an average of 1.5 we'll say.. and 5 people say 10. 95 * 1.5 is 142.5. 5 * 10 is 50. 50/142.5 is 35.09%. but if those 5 people had the defect that caused them to generally experience paranoia greater, then the actual percentage of people who would likely experience it (based on a good sample set) would be 5%.. but the scientists will think it's 35.09%. sucks. later south africa.
..yeah basically i can't write this anymore. the premise was that we'd miss a cure for aids based on a series of logical follies. i think only about half of this makes sense though. oh well.
the implication here is that paranoia is a state of mind, subjective, rather than an objective state. otherwise, the drug companies are lying about how much "effect" their substance has.
it's never been easier to see the difference between things made by man and things made by nature, god, The Big Force, what have you.
you know. logical representations are silly.
let's take the idea of a divine ruler being responsible for the actions of everything thereabout in nature. like, god created a system, now by predestination these events in the physical world come as, in some way, a result of that divine ruler. if we can place the concept of a ruler, formed in our minds by the coagulation of societies in pre-modern ages most likely (why would there be a ruler when you're scattered and hunting? maybe a sort of pack mentality, so there has to be a head to lead it? what about deeper than that. behind that pack mentality has to lie a deeper psychological origin: was it a result of a situation on an otherwise unchanged object (as in, the pack mentality would have never been realized) or was the mentality there to start with, sitting in the mind? if it came as a result of a situation, and then turned into a feeling in the man's mind, then you have to say that the pack mentality did not exist prior, as well as that changes in the brain manifest only physically outside of perception. if you assume the latter, which is in agreement with modern science, then you can see that the concept of ruler was not part of the divine ruler's "side of things." but what if energy has been conceived as "needing a source" rather than how we conceive it as a result of our interaction with the world
hm... forgot what i was writing about. oh well.
have you ever considered that this nation's religion, as a result of scientific expanse, is truly mathematics? with statistics reeling on america's bigscreen: the internet, and mathematics effectively determining 95% of the way we interact with the world, combined with the advent of society reaching out to the embrace of pop psychology, dietary studies, anti-depressant medication, and thousands of other "scientific and statistically-proven" solutions to everyday problems, it's no wonder that our world has gotten incredibly confusing and diluted--to consistenly rely on concepts we can never completely understand, as mathematics is only a construction of what "really is" there, we are almost certainly out to create more problems to the bigger picture than not, as we know that many physical factors that we ignore (like pollutants) do, indeed, relate mathematically to the rest of physicality, and what we think we do know about the nature of physicality may yet be slightly off, as was uncovered by einstein's relativity, and research on quantum theory. a people continuing to believe a malignant and deceptive fantasy -so close- to reality will slowly, but inevitably, kill itself.
...
haha what if i wrote a bunch of songs about math and toured the world so i could make people aware of a common ground between us. i'd kind of love that. :D
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| Craig Burruss is a Badass with Winstons |
[February 10th, 2005][12:10pm] |
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mood |
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peaceful, slightly discontent |
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music |
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you know that humming shit? |
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Not that I knew that guy back then, but the mental picture I get of Craig saying "What law are you speaking of?" is just amazing.
Yeah.
Certainly enough said.
(by the way, it's kind of pitiful that I'm kinda sad having to spend one day without seeing small x... so I guess that's what gave me the motivation to look up her father on google)
Bo.
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| Considering I never actually post anything unless it's horribly depressing... |
[February 9th, 2005][1:10pm] |
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mood |
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faulty proximity bomb |
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music |
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broken hum of a disc writer, high-pitched whirr of a printer |
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I just decided to continue that trend.
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
I'll avoid leaving you the annoying advertisement and accompanying text normally associated with these results.
As far as those results go, I read the descriptions and the ones that seem to match up with my current self the most are paranoid, schizotypal (a very mild form of schizophrenia, apparently), and borderline. Narcissism seems to be there with me, but I've noticed it has little to no effect on my comfort or deeply-rooted emotional state. I've been thinking about this stuff a lot lately because I've noticed the drastic changes I undergo emotionally and intellectually when I'm in a relationship, and though it's kind of fascinating, it's also a struggle to be caring when I can feel some of this shit welling up.
At any rate, I'm sitting in my dad's office waiting for matt to come so I can watch him get a burrito. That's pretty exciting. Matt's ready for life.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm now dating this awesome girl by the three-syllable name of Amanda. I doubt I really need to go into much detail, so I won't, but yeah, it's good. Quite good for the most part.
(yeah, and there's that whole thing about how my relationship with my friends changes drastically when I'm in a romantic relationship, but I think I'll save that for when I'm actually upset about it, which will probably be soon if the period of a sine curve sans a side-shift is still 2*pi.)
Frontal Corticare.
Let's go have some STONN flaps. Markie told me they tasted like Beefthroat Spices.
Flankburn.
Astrorub.
Fratulent Inquation.
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| New Layout! |
[July 13th, 2004][2:01am] |
Roy let me modify every aspect of his journal, so I took the opportunity and ran with it. If you're at all curious as to how it turned out, you can check it out right here!
Hope you enjoy it. A lot of hard work went into it.
-♥-
Sarah
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| hey, why not |
[May 24th, 2004][9:31am] |
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mood |
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tired, but emotional |
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music |
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the tonal humming of my dad's color printer |
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if there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal.
yeah, this isn't a real update.. obviously lots of stuff has happened in my life since the last one.. but anyone who knows me knows that stuff anyway. so yeah.. adiosatrina.. ;38
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| how I feel |
[April 22nd, 2004][3:59am] |
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mood |
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emotional |
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music |
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the silence of these stained walls |
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I haven't updated my journal in a really long time, and normally I feel nothing close to having a desire to write out my thoughts. Well for some reason I feel like it.
Sometimes I honestly feel that I am a flawed human being, that there's something fundamentally wrong with the way I do things at some times, and it comes out in bursts of unwarranted feelings of anger and hurt, leading to me hurting others around me without reason. Unreasonable. I care a lot, but sometimes I choose not to acknowledge my care.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense to anyone who reads it, and frankly I'm not going to explain it if you ask in all probability.
I do know, though, that I care a lot about people, and that there are some people I truly love, each in a different way. I feel I'm becoming better at controlling my ridiculous impulses and actions that come as a result of how I inherently feel when some things happen, and I have very strong resolve to try harder and harder until it becomes natural to simply let my care that I already have for people take over, and not my selfish feelings of insecurity, doubt, hurt, and anxiety. I'm already doing it more without noticing. I just think it's not yet enough.
At the same time that I want this read, I don't. It's a strange feeling.
I've hurt a lot of people lately, most of which I care for.
Matt.. if there were a definition in the psychology book for the mature love of a friend, you would be the one I feel I hold it for. I love you a lot, and yet as mentioned above, my feelings on things will likely override the care that I know I have. I have always felt like you are a much better person than I am, and still do. I can't compare myself to you and feel justified.
James.. I definitely love James. I've known Matt longer, and intrinsically have a stronger bond with him, but I feel very close to you and feel as though it's possible that I might understand you better than anyone else in the world.. that sounds presumptuous, but it's how I feel. You're a hard nut to crack sometimes, but once you do the extremity flows forth in abundance. Don't be too hard on yourself for little mistakes, sir.. you've got a really good friend who has probably made them ten fold.
Joe.. I've hurt you the most recently, and I know I've said I'm sorry and you said it was okay. I've always had a lot of respect for you, but these last few months have made me feel reverence for you. Sometimes I can't believe that you put up with how I treated you for nearly as long as you did with little more than an "I'm okay, sir.. I just feel a bit left out" or something along those lines. And for you to forgive me after (perhaps not totally intentionally, but that doesn't matter) tossing your cares to the curb to satisfy mine, I owe you a lot, and I hope I can pay off that debt sometime. There's a special kind of love I have for you, and I think part of it comes from your comparatively infallible sense of justice and willingness to go to great lengths to uphold it.. whether the issue be trivial or potentially astronomical.. whether true justice be known or uncertain. I hope I can be there for you, as cheesy as that sounds, when you need me.
And Sarah, we've talked so much lately that you know exactly how I feel about you. I love you in the way you know I do, and I will always hold it against myself for being the way I am sometimes, and for forgetting in small moments about what means most.
In conclusion, I'll have you know that my train of thought has weaved a lot, but that's only honest as it reflects my current state of mind. I probably won't update again for a long while, but until I do, I'll have to find it in myself to believe I can be a better person at times when I haven't before. I have to have faith that what I do and how I treat those I care about most will be, at the very least, as good as it ever has been.
Have a lovely night, and sweet dreams.
- Roy
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| One Great Weekend, One Gigantic Journal Entry |
[April 7th, 2003][2:03am] |
Okay, so basically I just had one hell of an awesome weekend, and I don’t think I’d be venturing too far to say it was just about the best, second to if not tying with the magfest ordeal. That being out of the way, I will continue to rant on that very same note. Yeah yeah it’s not really out of the way then; fucking shoot me.
It all started after the end of school this past Friday. I went to work as per usual at BioPhile, Inc. Sample Cockrape Management and then left in my car to go get stuff at my house to take to Matt’s house for the night.
Now here I diverge and explain the car. This car started making a slight bumping noise about seven weeks ago, and we ignored it until it got very bad. Upon getting very bad, we took it to Tommy’s, this horrible redneck underachieving wallet-tearing mechanic’s shop down the road from my house. After promptly asserting that the right axle was the culprit, he replaced it and said the car was fine. Well.. BUMP. So nope, the car still bumped. But after reassurance from the mechanic I assumed it was fine to drive. So I went on my merry way until I was creating a sine wave of amplitude 4 or 5 inches as I drove at 70 miles per hour down interstate 64. At this point, I returned to Tommy with a further destructed car and an angry disposition. He then asserted that it was the left axle now, and replaced that. Well we got the car back, and upon doing so were told that the real problem all along was this broken right wheel in the front, so basically all the money poured uninhibited into the axles was for “security” (aka naught). Tommy then assured us that even having the broken wheel the car was safe to drive, so I proceeded to do so.
So I went back to my house, got my guitar gear, and went to Matt’s house to pick him up and take us both into town for an hour or so of random action. We grabbed some electric strings from the music and arts center, some coffee from starbuck’s, and some taco bell from taco bell. I then got gas, and went back to Crozet and picked up a few drinks from the local Dairy QUEEN. Yes, that place induces enthusiasm. We then went back to his house for a night of guitary madness. When we awoke, there was fire. No, not real fire, but his computer immediately decided that it was okay to rape and pillage the poor mormon women of central Aclacibakistan. It was being some real bitch, and on top of that Matt turned in his chair only to break his DVD-ROM drive. That probably sucked, as the reader may have inferred. Well.. time passed, and I had to leave Matthew’s house in lieu of the pressing event of going home and saying hi to my (beloved…[those.. fuckers]) parents, getting ready to go see James, and leaving.
I then drove at mad rates to James’ dorm at UVa, passing in a turning lane, going 80 miles per hour. I was wearing a black and blue bandana, enough said. I brought in my ridiculous amount of luggage (that, as events turned out, only got used for about an hour at most) and then played guitar, talked, and generally “hung out.. guys.” Well no “guys”, but you get the point. We then decided it’d be a good idea to leave for his house so we could pick up his car to drive us to Harrisonburg, where we were to meet his sister Janie at her apartment, hang out, and subsequently attend a Dillinger Escape Plan concert. So we did.
This is where all the fun starts, kids. We both nonchalantly entered my vehicle, I turned the ignition, and then I started to back out of my parking space (which I didn’t have a permit for). We noticed a loud thunking in my right-front tire and a very large change in height with respect to time as the car moved backwards. This didn’t seem right, as it was nowhere near this bad upon entering the parking lot the first time. So we stopped, got out of the car, and then stared in awe at my beautiful tire… torn into degrading and despicable shreds of transit-gone-foul. The tire had a humongous slit down it that encompassed almost half the circumference. I thought I should try to use my spare.. so we spent about half an hour figuring out how to a) get my previously unopenable trunk open b) work the jack c) actually lift the car up with the jack without turning ourselves into primal pools of flesh d) take the tire off without being total fuckups and removing ornamental bolts on the hub cap and e) replace it with the spare tire. We noticed that the spare seemed a bit flat after letting the car down, but nothing too tragic, so we went back inside to wash all the grease off our hands and get my ever-important bandana.
We got back into my car and started pulling out again. We noticed very loud thunks and a grating roar coming from my newly-created death trap on my right wheel, but we decided we should keep on going and see how it fares. The tire was completely flat, so driving down the road at anything more than 30 or 35 miles per hour wasn’t feasible. We realized we could get air at gas stations, so that’s exactly what we tried. But lo and behold, the air did not fill up the tire at all. In fact, it generally is impossible to put air into tires that leak. We decided to tough it out and try to make it to James’ house in my car, and luckily for us there was a back road we could take where we wouldn’t be expected to go 60 miles per hour. So after bumps, sparks, scrapes, and general unwell-being, we made it back to his house. We went in, talked to his parents, then left in his car for our ultimate goal, Janie’s apartment (and his dorm, and subway). First we had to go back to his dorm and try to find his wallet that he had so suavely left on the sink of a public bathroom while he was washing his hands. Luckily, a guy from Hereford recovered it and gave it back to us. Faith in humanity is warranted, or something. Then we left for subway. We ordered a few Italian BMTs at subway and got some gas, yet being the genii that we are, we must have unconsciously decided against using the good coupons James’ mom had just given us to use at subway, and instead paid full price so as not to run the risk of.. having extra cash. We ate our food, drank the drinks we had picked up, then went to the bathroom and created a paper-towel tripwire linking the sink area to the stalls. This was at about 9:00, we were supposed to be in Harrisonburg at Janie’s by 10:00, and thusly we trogdored the hell out of the road. Once we were on 64 leading to 81, we basically passed about 50 or 60 cars and traveled at an average velocity of 85 miles per hour. We in fact arrived five minutes early, only to find an empty and unlocked apartment into which we entered.
Janie’s apartment is awesome; she has some rocking posters everywhere and one not so rocking one of Bob Dylan looking like quite the French woman. About half an hour after we arrived, Janie’s boyfriend Eric came in and greeted us, telling us to watch movies, asking if we wanted a beer, and basically asking us to make ourselves at home (minus the beer). After a bit of random small-talk, Lindsey, their good friend and next-door neighbor, came in to visit. She has one of the most rasp voices from smoking you could possibly imagine, but she really was a funny girl (though rather unsober at the time). Then entered Dave and Scott, two other guys whom Janie and Eric are good friends with in the area. Then finally, Janie came in and apologized unnecessarily for being late.
We were informed by several people of an awesome hanging-out place on South Main street there called Dave’s (not in relation to said Dave) and apparently a girl named April said she could get us wrist-bands to get into the place even being under 21. James and I decided it’d be cool to go there after the concert was over, and now we had to get to the Godwin gymnasium, where the concert was, but we had no idea how to get there. Thusly, after deliberation we decided to get driven there by Dave and then walk to Dave’s bar/place/yeah afterwards. This walking, my friends, was a fatal (yet really awesome) error on the part of the torices that are we.
We got in Dave’s red blazer and skidaddled (LOLOLOL) to the gymnasium where the Dillinger concert was about to start. Now one hasn’t seen hardcore fans unless they’ve seen something like this. Almost everyone there was wearing something akin to black, had longish or spiky hair, and flouted a generally badass demeanor.
Dillinger was amazing in many ways. The energy flowing from their loud and “powerful”-sounding music was very intense, and I was impressed with their level of stage performance, both visually and aurally. They also played my favorite song by them, which is called “When Good Dogs Do Bad Things.” Man the antics that happened during the course of their playing were insane; people were jumping up on the stage and jumping off, the lead singer was grabbing people and chucking them off, and he even managed to climb up onto the highest speaker once (though only to climb back down, anticlimactically). In the middle of the concert some girl got hurt, and someone came on stage to announce that her friend should go to her. Right after he said that, the lead singer said, “She’s dead. She got SARS!” in a very deep and ominous voice (obviously completely joking). It was almost overly hilarious. Another plus to this concert was that the volume level was actually good, not ear-burstingly annoying. I liked it all-around. At the end of the concert James and I were standing about 10 feet away from the band members and they really weren’t all that occupied. But still, being the pussies that we are, we decided not even to talk to them. Man we suck sometimes. From there, we walked out of the gymnasium and set forth on a very long journey to reach the Shrine of David (commonly referred to as “Dave’s”).
Since James and I had focused mainly on the concert, we had completely lost all sense of direction. Even so, we had to walk a formidable distance (something like one or two miles) just to get to Dave’s the right way. Well, we decided to extend the analogy of “turning over a new leaf” (which is always good to do.. right?) to “turning over our mental map such that everything is completely flipped around.” So yes, as would be expected, we headed off in the complete wrong direction. After sprinting through the many medians and parking lots of JMU, we came to an intersection with a railroad track. We crossed it, and realized that we were on Paul Street, a name we will both love and hate in its every form to our dying day. We walked and ran farther and farther down Paul Street (at 1:00 am and alone in the dark, mind you) for about half a mile until we came to an intersection where we could see a group of people down the road to our left. Being completely lost, we decided to go ask them for directions to the largest and most popular road in the city. They told us basically to keep on going down the road we were on and we’d get to it, so that was exactly what we did. That was some big fucking lie. After walking for about half a mile on this road we ended up walking through the curvy path of a JMU college building center where the roads were more meant for walking than driving. This was somewhat creepy in that no one else was there and it was very secluded, but we got out and began walking down a sidewalk that seemed to lead to civilization. As we were walking we noticed shrill screams from multiple teenage girls to our right, so we decided to see if they knew where they were, and if so use the fact that we were there too to tell us where we were. It turns out that they were actually…jumping on trash cans randomly and taking action shots of it. They all looked like plastic versions of Brittany Spears and they somehow reeked of an unsmellable undesirability. I interrupted their “fun” and asked how I could get to South Main Street. They told us to keep on going down the road that we were just on before we went to talk to them, so that’s what we did. As we were leaving, I notably coined the name “Trashcan Whores” for those girls. I’m some bastard. Well after walking for quite a ways on this road and for some reason refusing to use the sidewalk, we ended up not on South Main Street but on Port Republic Road. Luckily, we knew this road, and knew that if we turned right and walked for another 2347081355654 minutes we’d intersect with South Main Street. So we walked up that road, saw lesbians, kept on walking, saw a bent metal sign on the ground, kicked it, made James’ foot bleed, kept on walking, and finally arrived at the intersection.
We turned right and began walking, seeing in the distance a barely-noticeable girl walking ahead of us on the sidewalk. We continued along our path, keeping an eye out for Dave’s (even though we knew we were still at least ¾ of a mile away). As we approached the girl, James decided to start running, so I ran too, and we were just randomly sprinting (in no way related to the girl). Well, being that it was about 1:40 am at this point, the girl looked back, saw two taw guys running directly behind her, probably became scared for her life, and ran directly to the kinkos next to her and “hid” herself against the back wall in a semi-fetal position as we passed. At this exact moment it hadn’t totally hit me why she did that, but after we passed I realized why and felt really bad about it. But that feeling was gone in about 22 seconds, and I was back to wondering why I was wondering the streets of a city I’d never been in at close to 2:00 am. We kept on walking, obviously, but as we approached an intersection something struck us as odd. There was an intersecting road. And it was called.. “Paul Street”. We both almost fell down laughing at the fact that if only we had kept on going for a very short distance, we could have avoided traveling a roughly 4 or 5 mile path around the entire JMU campus. And that wasn’t all; Dave’s was only about 200 yards away from the intersection of Paul and South Main. When we saw Dave’s, we rejoiced in our pool of joyous idiocy. Then we proceeded to call Janie’s friend so April would come out and give us wrist bands.
It turned out that she completely forgot to give us wrist bands (probably because she was too drunk) and instead simply seemed to give us “authorization” to enter. We were warned of, then accosted by Dave, the owner, for payment of $5 before entry. Usually he charges nothing, but apparently he was in a bad mood. Janie showed us in and brought us upstairs to the table where all the familiar people were sitting. April asked me three times in a row how the concert was, then offered to get us a pitcher of beer. She came back with some of the strongest beer available that was in need of an acquired taste to enjoy much, but being as thirsty as we both were from walking, we drank the first glass with ease. The second glass wasn’t so easy, but it still went down, with intermittent double-shots of some other random beer. By the end of that very quick drinking session (they were closing the alcoholic beverage sales in 10 minutes) I felt very woozy and was verging on half-drunk. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the feeling, and I still managed to have a couple fun conversations with people there.
After a little more talking, the group decided to head to a frat party in apartment 1829f in Random Apartment Complex Q (about which they assumedly knew). The problem was in getting there. I was pretty much half-drunk at this point, as the alcohol had kicked in, so walking to the car was interesting, as well as almost having my face slammed off by James (presumably somewhat intoxicated) when he opened the door. I also didn’t have a problem with letting Eric sit on my lap in the back so that we could actually fit seven people into one blazer, not that I would have had any real problem with it otherwise.
We arrived at the complex, and first we entered April’s apartment (which was really huge) to find several people who were almost ready to sleep. I went back into April’s bedroom with James for god knows what reason and started talking to her while she had some very very drunk guy on her bed. She asked me how the concert was, and I told her it was very energetic and fun. She then proceeded to ask me if I was talking about Dave’s, and I said, “No, the concert was energetic and fun, but Dave’s was awesome too.” She then asked me how the concert was. This is where I got up and followed James out of the room (who had already left) and said bye to April (I realize she’s not really an idiot, so I assume she’s a cool girl). We then said bye to a few other people and left for apartment 1829f. This only required walking over a few rocky hills, luckily. This frat party was very odd to say the least, and the fact that it could have just as well been called the blatant failure party made it all the more enjoyable for me. I was introduced to a few random drunk guys and one or two not so drunk ones. One of them could barely say the word “hi” much less realize that he was creating some stereotypically polar graph as he walked. Inside they had a table where guys were playing poker for money, some leftover beer/vodka, and a table where they were playing a sort of hilariously bad game of tossing balls into cups and drinking them. I mainly talked to James and Janie there, along with Eric and a few of the other arbitrary people. This is where I started really getting to know Janie more during the course of this night, and she’s actually some really cool girl, along with her boyfriend Eric who’s awesome in his own Eric sort of way (yes.. I somehow was able to gather a sense of “Eric” in the short time I was there, along with a not so definite sense of “Lindsey”, “Scott”, and “Dave”). That was so clearly a thoughtful tangent, so shut your pie orifice.
At the party I had another pretty full glass of beer, which made me even more half-drunk I suppose. As we both were drinking our glasses, James was leaning against a very precariously-built table with many cups of beer on it when it decided it was okay to employ gravity for the task of toppling into a huge mess. That made a fairly large sound, and everyone was like, “WHAT HEY HUH TABLE SHIT.” But James did a good job of recovering the sort-of-table and restoring it as it was. Then after about another 20 minutes of talking (as previously described) a huge crash was heard just behind me. It turns out that same wonderful idiot who couldn’t even say “hi” had toppled the entire table of beer over on which they were playing the hilariously stupid game of “throw the ball into the glass please irl haha rofl drink shit man cup yeah heha table.” About that time, Eric and Janie were wrapping up their conversations and Janie suggested that James smuggle some of the vodka into a cup and walk out inconspicuously, as nothing else was to be gained from this party. So he did just that, and we all walked out and said our superficial byes. We all restuffed ourselves into the blazer (with Eric sitting on my lap.. again). Sadly (but perhaps for the better), on our way back to Janie/Eric’s apartment practically half of the vodka in James’ cup had ended up on his leg, and when we got out of the car he managed to deploy the rest on a parabolic journey to the center of the gravel.
Instead of Janie/Eric’s apartment, we entered Scott/Lindsey’s, got one last beer, and sat down at a table to play a few games of “asshole” (in which I was the asshole two out of the three times). I had a great time just talking (like I was doing at the card table) to all these people I otherwise would never have met, and it was interesting (and very fun for me) that I was able to click with them so readily. (As a side note, throughout the course of this night James and I were basically cracking up at every moment we could possibly afford, but I figured that was some sort of given.)
After the card games it was about 5:00 am, bright and early. Except not bright, and actually late. I was still somewhat woozy from the alcohol at this point, and the addition of that last beer didn’t make me any less drunk. My stomach decided to make me hungry, and it seemed that Lindsey was already preparing some toaster strudles for herself and Janie. I guess our presence alone persuaded her to give us each one of them, so we ate those happily. Then a bit later she gave us each a hotdog, which was welcomed with great vigour. I then picked up a few small bottle rockets I found laying on the counter and joked about setting them off. Immediately Scott noticed my interest and basically just handed me a zippo lighter and a tall tin can and told me to fire them off into random people’s windows/apartment buildings outside. So James and I headed outside and each fired at least one of those things from the can. It was pretty awesome, because they took off, were silent for a few seconds, then were like “POWWAP!” So that was clearly great fun. Shortly after that we were watching some Spanish TV and making fun of it, and then we left to go to the apartment below theirs, which just so happens to be Janie’s.
We pulled out the futon, laid down, and basically just died after a few minutes of “man why aren’t we tired.. it’s weird. Haha. Dude, why is it 6:00 in the morning and why did we just drink with people 3 years older than us?” etc. We both apparently woke up a few times throughout the night, and ultimately I rose at about 11:30.
Lindsey came up into the apartment with seemingly no purpose, but it became apparent that she was getting Eric out of bed because he was an idiot and didn’t set his clock forward, making him quite late to work. I called Janie at work after reading the note she left us, and found that she was planning on taking us out to lunch at a restaurant of our choosing. So we listened to cds like Lynard Skynyrd and The Eagles and began watching an episode of Sex and the City when Janie arrived home from work and forced our indecisive brains to choose a good restaurant, like, say, the boston beanery. So we went there (where Eric works) and had a really good meal with notably awesome fries. We talked there for a while, then we split the bill (where I paid for James, which would later haunt us) and left to go back to her apartment.
We decided to stay a bit longer so we could watch a movie, Supertroopers. Okay guys, just watch the movie. It’s insanely great in a very outrageous way. Afterwards we basically just said goodbye and left, myself feeling somewhat down that we were leaving, but happy knowing I had the privilege of having a good time with both James and all the new people I was able to get to know.
So yep, 85 miles per hour was once again our average velocity as we trogdored in the negative direction all the way back to Charlottesville in what must be a record-breaking time of 35 minutes. We went back to the dorm to pick up my stuff and take it to James’ house, and when we were there we basically just sat around and played a bunch of guitar riffs. I called my parents and, of course, they were angered. So I asked James to give me a ride home, and on his way to pick up the money to pay me back for his meal at the boston beanery, because without that my parents would kill me for being irresponsible and not having enough money to pay for my car tire. So we went to the ATM machine he knew best, and tried about six times to get the damn money out, and it wouldn’t give it! It even said the transaction was occurring and printed a receipt. But nope, no money. We then realized we were stupid because there was another ATM machine about six inches away. We used that, and got the money needed. James dropped by taco bell, and then we once again burninated the roadside all the way to my house, arriving at 9:30 pm, which brings me here to my computer desk, writing this entry. My parents were not as mad as I thought they would be, but my dad still basically hates me for having too much fun.
Throughout the weekend lots of unexpected things happened; in fact we didn’t even know we were going to stay at Janie’s apartment when we went there. I also didn’t know that I’d be trying out alcohol for the first time in 4 or so years, but I liked the experience, and I think that having that good of a time is.. awesome. I don’t plan to drink again for a very long time, probably not for a year at least, but I’m glad I could experience something like that just for the new experience’s sake. The people I met there were quite rocking, Janie and Eric especially, and I’ll look forward to hanging out with them again sometime. James paved the way for burnination the whole time, a burden not easily wielded by the weak. And Matt Pollard is Matt Pollard, which is enough to make several worlds conserve their angular momentum. I think that some of it was a more adventurous experience for me than it was for James for several reasons. And to sum up, I’d say this weekend deserves the Medal of Storex for its great accomplishments.
Thanks for reading this if you did, and good luck to everyone when they do.. stuff. Yeah. I’ll be working at BioPhile Inc. Sample Cockrape Management tomorrow, and it should be interesting too. We’re developing a new system for tracking individual vials of.. SARS.
Peace, Sirs
- Roy
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[December 23rd, 2002][12:39am] |
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"and as he gives it to her she begins to sing" - nope.
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| It is in one's possession |
[November 17th, 2002][6:13pm] |
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I have heard people say in their cynicism that the world is full of bad business. This very thought torments me, the idea that no one truly means what they say because they mean it, says what they say because they want the other person to hear it, the idea that all is utterly selfish. I believe this is false, for I have found empirical proof to the contrary in my society, and I believe that the world of humanity is that which we create.
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| Stuff Happened. |
[November 3rd, 2002][7:55pm] |
I just went on a really fun camping trip to far away nelson county, bear country of course. ben c. and I were up really late, till about 4:30, just figuring out how to work propane tanks, talking about the universe, and talking about other important stuff. We both wish we had done more stuff together when he was around, he's a cool guy. And all the other people there were really awesome too; great thanks to meg and jeremy for setting the whole thing up. And thanks to mountain dew for keeping the whole thing (aka roy) up. I've been wanting something for a while, don't know why I don't have it. I have greater goals in life, and want more to reach them. But this can't be called a goal in truth, just a sort of dull yearning. It's fading, I'm happy with where I am with it, very happy. If only a few little things were different...in any case, fancy is just that, and my life is perfectly fancy as it is, though perhaps lacking. I can feel the lack a bit, but it's all right, it's also fading, with the yearning. Camping in the cold really rocks though, and boy am I glad I had three other bodies in very close vicinity to generate heat (as it was around 15 degrees in the dark of the night). Oh, speaking of dark, "The Dark of the Moon" was a fantastic play. I actually got quite emotional at the end; Jimmie is a great actor, and Brittany likewise did a fine job. Though Marta's voice was out a bit, she still sounded great, along with all the other witches. Quite an interesting play, made me think, but not too much, which is good when you're not in "SUPER THOUGHT MODE!! :D"...which I wasn't at that time. I wanna do something with Matt now, because lately, though with short bursts of relief, I've been feeling kind of like we're growing apart a bit. I don't like that feeling, especially after knowing someone for that long. And in fact that's probably all it is, a feeling. We just haven't had much time lately. But yeah, I'll figure something out for that. I also can't wait to give some more random kendo lessons at people's houses, preferably jamie's, because that was a blast. Lately I've been playing a lot of guitar, as anyone who's reading this journal probably knows. I just learned two new songs in full (almost): Nothing Else Matters by Metallica and Say It Ain't So by Weezer. The latter is really short and quick, but somehow it seems to take more effort for me to play it than the former...odd. Ah well, everyone should swing swords and do waist cuts!!....or something. No really, in truth kendo rocks, and I think anyone interested in pretending they're anakin skywalker, brave fencer musashi, big tough samurai guy, or any of the like should do it. Also, like in my case, if you just really enjoy battling with swords. I think I may have lost track of my thoughts here, but that's all right, hopefully you can somehow piece them together without my help ;) Peace to all, adios.
- Roy
(P.S. - Peace only be to those who don't attempt to steal my lipton iced tea ;] Now au revoir for real this time)
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| I believe. |
[October 26th, 2002][12:20am] |
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I believe I have found myself. A large piece of myself I now pick up out of a dusty corner, formerly shrouded by the cob webs of superficial desire and goals. I will not think of this as turning over a new leaf, but as for the first time in my life actually seeing what it is that makes up my leaf, how it works, and why it should be that way. Excitement.
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| Fieldtrips and Sanity |
[October 25th, 2002][1:14am] |
Just last night I went on the coolest field trip I've ever been on. Our astronomy class and my awesome astro/physics teacher went to Green Bank West Virginia to see the world's largest radio telescope and to use a smaller radio telescope to observe heavenly bodies emitting radiation at frequencies in the range of 1420.3?38 MHz; it was quite an awesome experience to be able to get a physical idea of the nature of things billions of miles away. We stayed in these really nice dorm-type rooms, each with cable tv and a bath/shower. Our group got our observations done first, so we got to just screw around for the rest of the time essentially: riding bikes, examining old boarded-up houses at midnight, wrecking bikes, bloodying hands, illicitly driving cars without a license or knowledge of stick shifts, having people crush us in the back seat of a car, fighting, dancing, calibrating because no one else could, laughing at idiots, having fun with high people, y'know...all that stuff that happens at gas stations. Anywho, as far as I go, lately I've had a really bad spell of something, and I'm not sure what it is. No matter what, I'm very upset and sad about something, and whenever I come up with an apparent solution I get so angry at the futility of my efforts that I hate myself. Then I blame others for my hatred, and hate them. Then I get sad again when I re-realize certain aspects of my life are hopeless, then I feel the hate again. There have been times when I couldn't stop crying, like the other night when I didn't cry myself to sleep, but kept myself from sleeping by crying and writhing on my bed from some unknown source of anguish. I don't mean to complain, but is this supposed to happen? It seems like I may have some sort of emotional thing going on, depression and psychological errors run rampant on my mom's side..but then again so does lots of good stuff like math, high iqs (as opposed to my dad's ape side). Why am I talking about this? It's a tangent I spose...or..heh! something of which the slope is the derivative. Yep, that's it. I guess I'll go to bed now, maybe, somehow, bye.
~keep it fake guys, really - Roy
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| things are fun... |
[September 15th, 2002][2:32pm] |
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Things lately have been quite fun, and life's been shaping up. Of course there's a world of details and complexities that went into this, but that stuff I don't really feel like saying. So yeah, I'm having a fine time.
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| I hate me. But that's ok. |
[September 3rd, 2002][4:54pm] |
I don't understand why no matter what I say it's taken as an annoyance. I can't have friends other than one or two very good ones. I hate who I am. I can't converse normally. I can't help it. I feel like I'm being more accepting of other people than other people are of me, as I have very many people I like, and a couple I like enough to say I have a crush on them. Yet, they just think I'm annoying, stupid, non sensible, and devoid of anything they hold important. I even try to bend to their rules, and fail. Maybe I'm just as unaccepting as they. I guess that's ok. I go through little periods when I think I have friends, ones of both genders. And I don't. It's just an illusion created by how my treatment is affected by the extreme moods of other parties leading to the glossing over of my otherwise egregious failures and faults. Sometimes I look at people and want to give them a hug, or to show them I care about them. But if I even so much as imply that I'm going to attempt to do some such thing, they look at me as if it's completely out of character for an idiot of my being to act in such a way. It is as if they've constructed who I am before seeing my blueprints. But I guess that's also ok. I guess what I'm saying is...well, I don't know what I'm saying. But I guess that's also ok, as everything is ok in the sense that it exists to me.
~Roy
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| ... |
[September 1st, 2002][1:34am] |
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fuck.
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| hmm.....wow |
[May 30th, 2002][1:21am] |
Essentially, things have changed a lot since my last entry. I'll tell you now that what you see here is hardly half of what I'm feeling. Whereas before I felt I had figured out what I wanted in life, now I have an internal conflict between helping others in society and leaving societal life behind to live the way that seems wonderful to me. I'm still very happy right now, and in fact I still want what I wanted before, and though I feel I may have to compromise my dreams, I also know that they are not impossible to achieve, so no hope has been lost. (yeah, actually this sounds nothing like any of my other entries, yet another example of how things of changed :9) But there are some things that haven't changed at all...like the previously mentioned happiness, along with all of my feelings about my dreams specifically and those about several other things. (yeah, abstractness..rocking :D) I'm eating wheat thins right now! Isn't that great? Oh you know it is. Those conflicts are not the only ones I have right now, but the others are smaller have subsided tonight, I feel they may end. So yay!!
:)#++< <---- please never ever ask me what that is :D
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| long time no write :63 |
[May 8th, 2002][11:14am] |
Heya, basically, this passed weekend was hell, and then the week following has been great. My parents tried to stop me from going to the prom with Hanh over the weekend, so I spent the whole time fighting and arguing with them...but then finally they decided to compromise, so now I'm extremely happy. Anyhow, I felt really weird last night because I felt kind of sluggish, mellow, and emotionless. That bothered me, but it seems to have passed. By the way, you should definitely purchase a box of "FIGIT STICKS" sometime soon...they're GRREEAAT! Now everything seems new and beautiful again, and I don't feel very restless. Anywho, I'm in study hall right now, so I'm gonna head out. Yeah....my burritos are really gone now...SO STOP TRYING TO BREAK IN PACO!!
{--:--}--< <--- guy with long torso...extremely tall head, and no arms.
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rfmcclanahan's journal